508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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