Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
