So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Couch. On fire.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
