Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
