he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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