you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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