You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
