Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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