Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
