A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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