So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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