a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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