I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
