my phone needs a breathalizer
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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