Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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