I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
