Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ladies don't puke and tell
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
