Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
