Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
