When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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