Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
