Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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