and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
