I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
