it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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