broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize