The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
