Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
