He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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