i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.