so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
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110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches