things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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