OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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