Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
