Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
