I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
