You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
