The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
