I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
