Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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