How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
