I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
