I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
they need to just BURY HIM!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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