I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Mom said you looked used
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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