double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
