I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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