I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
