Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
