Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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