We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
