My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
