Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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