just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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