When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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