Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!