you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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