I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
