I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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