1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
