The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
