Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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