Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
