i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
