Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
