i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
