I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
