i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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