I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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