My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
