I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
