He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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