I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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