Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
