Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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