He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
