glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
